Saltburn

Other reviewers use the word "derivative" a lot to describe this film. They're not wrong! And my God this is a tedious film to try to get through! The so-called twist at the end is anything but. There's absolutely no reward at the end for sticking with this grotesque and uninteresting film. The suspenseful bits aren't suspenseful. The funny bits aren't funny and the sexy bits aren't sexy. The only thing the film maker succeeded at was making the grotesque parts nauseatingly grotesque. There's not one interesting nor sympathetic character in the bunch. There's no reason to care about what happens to any of them! A complete waste of time!

I was willing to get involved in the story, but there was no story, just stuff happening, most of it unexplained, most of it silly and ridiculous, not shocking at all, just boring. I rewrote it in my head to make it make a little more sense, as the crumbs we are told and shown have so many holes they're sieves. He read about Saltburn, saw pictures, wanted to go there, yes, maybe already making plans to own it. THAT'S why he fixates on Felix (the 'happy'), recognising him for who he is. He wants to BE him, that's what the silly sexual stuff is about, unification, amalgamation with the desired natural born status, looks, etc. Thing is, this was all nothing. This was not a film about a psychopath, because that is shown in a 30 second collage towards the end, motivation never explained. Are we supposed to think it's jealousy? Bit lame. All we got up to that point is that he is a manipulator and a liar. The 'twist' is neither surprising nor shocking, it just takes you completely out of the film, because it's not gelled right. Several different movies and plotlines, and at the end it's an uninteresting mess. We are introduced to Oliver as a too straight nerd who wants to be part of the in-crowd. Okay, so we tag along, even believing that Felix likes him (because he's not a fanboy). As soon as we get to Saltburn the film loses credibility. Too much, too brash, too over-the-top, too silly, too boring. Story not told well, whatever it was. I sure don't care.

There is a lot of hype about this movie, and a lot of talk about how some of the scenes are not for the feint hearted and that it is full of twists and turns. I was lured in for all the wrong reasons and knew very little else about Saltburn when I sat down to watch it. My score of 3 is entirely for the cast. I can't fault any of them. Sadly that is only positive I can draw from this awful film. The twists - I saw all of them coming, most are heavily contrived, and none felt shocking in the slightest. The 'not for the feint hearted' stuff - Sucking ejaculate from a draining bath plug, eating menstrual blood, having sex with a recently filled grave! It is all gratuitous and for shock value only. Yet, without these scenes there is literally nothing else going on. Saltburn is a seriously dull watch, the humour is barely present at all. I would have turned off after about an hour, but having got that far I stayed in hope of a clever ending. Nothing clever here, in fact, rather than clever they went for nonsensical. As if no one would suspect that the new guy would be behind all the deaths so he could get his hands on the estate. Boring journey, weak plot, dull twists, and gratuitous scenes do not make for a good watch. 3/10 for the cast 0/10 for the film.