Lumberjack Man

I have nothing to spoil here because the story is bland, basic, and you've seen it before. What I will say is that this movie is one the strangest movies I've seen in many years. It's very anti-female, slicing and dicing young women relentlessly. It also features barely legal * stars who think they can act, dancing and prancing with their breast swinging in the air. Several scenes with ugly males hooking up with hot females, all of them showing T and A before they get decapitated, impaled, or whatever. And the girls totally look underage, which is either enticing or bothersome. Acting is high school level. Violence is sometimes dramatically approached, not comedic, and protracted and overdone. It makes the whole experience very odd. Several homosexual references made to both sexes. It's just a horrible movie. BUT, it will stay on my DVR only because of the eye-candy. Call me a hypocrite. 4 stars for the gorgeous young ladies. 0 for the movie. itself.

Hell breaks loose for a class of students on a camp trip when they are stalked by a masked killer. Watching this reminded me of two great classics: Sleepaway Camp and Texas Chainsaw Massacre but in the twentieth century version. The bad guy looks a little like Leatherface.(at allure). OK so the movie is stupid but fun. The girls are cute, the nudity is needed to attract the viewer, the killings were gross but original. I will keep it short, if it wasn't for the silly thing with the syrup perhaps the outcome could have been much better, why ruin all that effort from the actors for that dumb fact ? If you like a horror with a lousy ending then you might enjoy it. Watch it one night and you will not be 100% disappointed. I wasn't.

"Lumberjack Man" is a weird, boring stab at a horror comedy that is unsuccessful. Of course it's not funny in the least, but how many comedies are? The fact is that the comedic moments, if that's what they are, are handled so badly that they merely become confusing. It's not enough to throw in a joke here and there. There's also the matter of tone which allows a person to actually identify the joke and (maybe) laugh at it. "Lumberjack Man" has no tone. Nor does it really have a sense of place - the "summer camp" setting is a mainstay for both horror movies (Friday the 13th and its infinite number of rip-offs) and comedies (Meatballs, Happy Campers). But the filmmakers fail at establishing it as a believable place. It feels like most of the action takes place a few miles from the camp anyway. This vague sense of place doesn't help. The movie is, of course, also not scary in the least; it doesn't even really try to be, which is not a problem because no one sees a slasher movie expecting scares. What is a problem is the villain. I don't know what they were going for, but it's one of the least memorable villains I've ever seen in a slasher. It's the typical massive stunt man (and being big does not equal scary) with a face like a block of wood. The explanation for the killer's presence and how to do away with it is, I guess, where the humour comes in. Michael Madsen gives a monologue, complete with an animated sequence, to provide an explanation so moronically bizarre and out of step with everything else in the movie that I couldn't bare to pay attention. It has something to do with pancakes and syrup? This is where the problem with the tone comes in: it's nowhere near ridiculous enough to absorb a sequence like this into the rest of the movie. It doesn't make you laugh at the ridiculousness: it makes you shake your head at the weirdness, and then, of course, you wonder what the filmmakers were thinking, or even if they were. You start trying to formulate explanations for how the movie went so wrong. The ending, where this stupid origin story comes into play, is as badly done as you'd expect. I didn't know what was supposed to have happened, but I did know, with one hundred percent certainty, that it had no hope at all of ever being presented adequately by the people who made this movie. The movie does have quite a bit of nudity (all breast shots). It does the typical thing of having multiple pretty, likable actresses, none of whom provide the above shots. And, weirdly, when the ladies do disrobe, the movie turns into a sexy music video with different music, lighting, dancing. Of course, this only distracts you. As for the "kills", one is fairly memorable: the camp manager is cut in half at the waist, and watches his lower body run away from him.

A group of Church Camp leaders are preparing for their child campers at Good Friends Church Camp near Big Timber State Park, Texas. Dr. Peter Shirtcliff (Michael Madsen) in on the trail of a monster of a man (Brandon Ford) who attacks this area every 30 years over a stolen flapjack recipe. The film is a spoof of 80's slasher films complete with blood, body parts, nudity, and irreverence. The church group is greeted by Theresa who was played by * star Andy San Dimas. The film has numerous pancake and flapjack references...that tie into the unseen twist ending which again spoofs 80's slasher films. Great fun film for cheese lovers. Guide: F-bomb, sex, and ample nudity. 10 stars for nudity and cheese. Not for everyone.